I am a creature of the three-wheel autorickshaw. For some strange reason I simply love travelling by them. It doesn't matter that the four-stroke Re has given me lumbar and cervical spondilosis.
Everytime the wobbly tricycle runs over a pothole, my back and neck sink deeper into my body. Maybe I am a masochist, maybe plain stupid. But a rickshaw ride for me is akin to the little pleasures that one waits for in daily life.
They come in all types, new old, big, small, some even come with music systems attached, dishing out music of the DhinChack variety. They have pictures and/or idols of God near the handle. And as if to balance it, they have pictures of one or more Bollywood actors and actress in the back.
I guess the logic is when the ride gets rough, the traveler can lose himself or herself in the imaginary arms of these gorgeous looking women or handsome looking men. Now who prefers what, I leave it to the reader. It's a democratic country and it's getting increasingly difficult to determine who swings which way.
Another interesting part of the autorickshaw is the driver. I call them pilots because most of them do not drive fast, the fly low. And most engage their customers in conversations on topics ranging from the condition of the roads to their client's or their own sex lives.
On one such journey, I had a pilot who wanted to know if I was married. I said yes, least suspecting the next logical question and the jam I was about to get my self into. The next prompt question, How many children?
I said none. Immediately he asked, Just married? I said No and before he could ask I obliged, I have been married for 11 years. Immediately he looked back, as if to ascertain if all the right things were in the right places. He was driving at around 50 KMPH and my fear was he was going to crash into something. I told him to look ahed and drive to which he said, I have been married for 5 years and I have three children.
To me that sounded like if I can have three children in five years, I have the basics right. Hence, even if I go to sleep while driving, there is no way I will crash. Skill you see can be extended to all facets of life, provided one is skillful.
Next question, Have you seen a doctor? I didn't have the heart to tell him that may wife and I do not have children by choice. So I said yes, and both of us are fine. Immediately popped the next query, What's your profession? I asked him what does that have to do with not having children? He smiled and said, it's the age of the BPOs you see. If you work at night and your wife during the day the chances of getting into the act are non-existent.
Brilliant, I said to myself. Must talk to my friends who run BPO organizations and tell them to esnure that their employees get time to enjoy sex. Could hurt productivity otherwise. As I just got off that thought, he took off again.
Have you tried alternative methods. I said, pardon me, what do you mean by that. He sheepishly said, different positions. I chose to ignore that comment. But he was not one to give up. He said tongue in cheek, have you met Shri Shri 1008 Bababoothnath? What creature is that, I asked. He chided me for showing disrespect and said he was a man of great powers and has helped many a couple beget children.
I immediately thought, yeah I know how he must have done that. Some virile baba I thought. But kept that thought to myself to avoid a confrontation. That by the way is another middle-class trait, avoiding confrontation under the garb of nonviolence. The fact of the matter is I did not feel strong enough to get into an any kind of physical altercation with that guy though he was half my size.
I politely told him I do not believe in babas. I was expecting him to get aggressive, but luckily he changed track. He asked me if I have ever visited Ajmer Sharif? I said no and was hoping the conversation would end as I had almost reached my building gate. But no such luck.
I asked him to stop and paid him the money. As I was about to turn into my building, he stopped me and said, you must visit Ajmer Sharif. It will work. Within a year you will have a son. I just looked at him and said sure. That's all the energy that was left in me after 70 minutes of education on how to get my act right.
As I walked into my building, I had a silly grin on my face as I recapped the conversation. And as I reached the enterance of my wing, an aunty who lives on the groundfloor asked me, Haven't seen you wife in sometime. Is there some good news?
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