Land Of Reservation

Over the past three years, the word reservation has assumed a different meaning. And again who do we have to thank? The humble politician. Now reservation has assumed a secular meaning. The reason: politicians have hijacked the word secular too and changed it to pro-minority from equal rights sans discrimination.

I know that a lot has been written about the merits and demerits of reservations and I do not wish to be another in a long line of reservation analysts. I have decided to get secular about reservations, in line with the government’s interpretation of the word.

Why not bring reservations into every aspect of life? Imagine if the government were to implement reservations for the usage of public urinals. For every one person from the general category using the toilet, it would be mandatory for 8 people from the reserved categories to use. In short, if another person from the general category wants to use the restroom, he will have to wait for eight from the reserved category to do so before he can relieve himself.

And imagine swipe cards with chips and all to use the toilet. How else will they monitor usage?

The government will also make reservations mandatory for admissions to hospitals. In a 100 bed hospital, 95 will be reserved. And even if the 95 are vacant, they will not be allotted to the general; an effective way of reducing population. Since the hospital will run into losses given the high non-occupancy rate of reserved beds, the government will charge the general public a non-occupancy tax. Goes without saying that the reserved category will use the hospital for free and the general will subsidize 100%.

Reservations will be mandatory in the private sector. For every 5 businessmen from the general category, it would be mandatory that 50 will be from the reserved category. And how does the government achieve this? In the same way as Kerala implemented land reforms in the sixties. Take businesses away from the general category and pass it on to the reserved category. Do I hear the Ambanis applying for membership in the reserved category?

Next will be reservations in the Army. And if the Congress government continues for another 10 years, we will have quotas for Pakistanis, Bangladeshis, Sri Lankans, and the Chinese in our armed forces. The reason: Kashmir will be with Pakistan, Assam and some other north-eastern states with Bangladesh, Arunachal Pradesh with the Chinese, and Tamil Nadu with the Lankans. So people from these territories will be given Indian overseas passports, and hence, a right to join the Armed forces.

The only place that will not have reservations will be Politics and the Parliament. There’s no point in biting the hand that feeds, right?