I saw a young couple at a bus stop arm in arm engrossed in each other, oblivious to the world around them. It took me 15 years into the past to my student days. The eighties had ended and we had just entered the nervous nineties, a time filled with new hope. India was on the verge of shedding the garb of socialism and embracing capitalism. It was the time of Narasimha Rao and liberalization.
Love however was still in the flower kissing a flower stage and public show of affection was considered Western. It was the time when love came knocking on my heart doors and I too spent time at bus stops with my beloved (now my wife of 11 years). But no arm in arm and a distance of at least 6 inches between the two of us.
I am not trying to compare different generations. I am just plain nostalgic. I remember the times that we spent in the library studying together. Taking tea breaks in the canteen, going for walks around the University campus in the evenings. And then parting to meet the next day.
The parting used to be the most difficult part of the day. When one is young and in love, life holds no other meaning than being together, being care free. Not that the feeling changes as you age, but priorities do as you are dragged down by the burdens of living. We were no different. Those were the days when we used to dislike Sundays. There were no lectures and getting out of the house was difficult. Many questions asked as to why do we need to go out on a Sunday, where, and with whom. Our parents were not aware that we were dating.
Dating was an alien concept for parents in those times. And so were telephones. And in our case, she had one, I did not. Those also were the days of the black monstrous but sturdy public phones that let you make never-ending calls for 50 paise. But then getting a fifty paise in itself was a Herculean task. It was strictly no pocket money on holidays. So the entire week used to go in trying to save that 50 paise for the Sunday call. And sometimes a wrong number or faulty instrument would lay you low.
Eating out used to be the roadside Chinese stall and tea used to be cutting chai (half a glass) at the coner (naka) stall called a katta in Mumbai lingo. Travel used to be strictly by buses and local trains. A rickshaw ride used to be reserved for birthdays when parents used to loosen their purse strings and let us splurge. On that day lunch at a Udupi followed by ice cream at Vadilal was the norm. And boy, how we used to wait for that one day of the year.
We used to dream of completing our studies, finding good jobs and settling down in life. Those were the last days of a lifestyle immortalized by Hrishikesh Mukherjee in his movies--just plain simple yet beautiful. Being Amol Palekar was the mantra of the day, but a slowly fading mantra.
We graduated, found jobs, jumped jobs, and raced ahead in life. We married, bought a house. Finally, in my dad's parlance, "we were settled". We no longer drank cutting chai at kattas, long walks were long forgotten, and life fell into a pattern.
The couple at the bus stop broke that thought pattern, albiet briefly. It was a refreshing blast from the past. Of times spent making promises many of which we went on to break in our quest for a better life. But I guess very few couples actually remember and honor all the promises they make to one another. No complaints on that front for some of the promises in retrospect were plain silly such as "I will listen to whatever you say". I guess all of us want equal partners and not doormats.
I know change is the only constant and I have no regrets in my time having passed. It will for the couple at the bus stop and for everyone else. What matters is how well we adapt to changing times while keeping our dreams, hopes alive. And like all things love too changes from the physical to the emotional. From sound to silence. And after being in love for over 15 years one finds that love can beautiful in silence too.
The need to say much is gone, a slight nod of the head, a wave of the hand, the blink of an eye says much more than a thousand words. For me that works and if it does for you too, then friends I believe you have succeded in keeping love alive in changing times.
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